Cynic Scenerio

How do you spot a cynic? Or in other words how do you define a cynic? Following are the hallmark of a cynic:
Cynic is a person who, on receiving a gift holiday package from an anonymous donor, suspects that someone is planning to burgle his house in his absence,
Or one who thinks that football is a game played by those with eczema of feet and watched by those with glioma of brain.
Or one who considers the telephone to be a thing that rings only when one enters the bath,
Or a wife who, if her husband is back early from office, asks if he had a tiff with the boss and if he is late thinks that he must be having an affair with boss’s secretary,
Or a guy, who, on smelling incense, looks around for a coffin or on hearing devotional songs on the radio, presumes that some politician has croaked,
Or a struggling author who believes that the publishers are a coterie who separate chaff from grain and throws away the grain or a publisher who considers readers to be herd of cattle who thrive on (literary) chaff.
And finally, a cynic is a businessman who writes his own epitaph as: ‘Here lies a clever businessman who chose to go to hell, because heaven is full of pious people with no purchasing power’

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