Friday, May 8, 2009

Medicook's Remedies

If you go out to loiter, you develop goitre; if you simply go out you get gout and to go up vertically is to invite vertigo. Sitting in car parked in the hot sun causes park-in-sun's disease. Whereas the heat moves faster than cold because you can catch a cold; you can never catch the bowels, for, they keep moving. And too decent a sentry is sure to contract dysentery.

These postulations may sound ludicrous - but then I am merely quoting from a medical glossary compiled by an ingenious bunch of students (nick-named medicooks) at our medical college whose pathological creativity was kindled by a couple of jumbled headlines in an English daily that read: Cholera epidemic spreads. Motion passed in the parliament.

According to the medicooks, if you make your pile, you get piles and then if you pay absurdly high cess, you develop abscess. Constipation results from a constant struggle for emancipation. And just as the shortage of cooking gas leads to gas trouble, the scarcity of return tickets produces rickets.

While the gang that reigns in your area is at risk of developing gangrene, the trigger-happy among them suffer from p(f)istula. Stupid athletes who use steroids end up being asteroids. And a pro at the discsus throw may soon lapse into prolapse.

To stop parents from doting on their children, give them antidote. Anybody can lose body weight by taking a shot of anti-body. Compulsive phone users - the ones with phonorrhoea - can be cured through dial-lysis. If your car has lost its sheen, all it needs is a 'waxination.' And semicolon is a surgical procedure in which half the colon is removed.

A boxer who wriggles round the ring is either a roundworm or a ringworm but when a left hooks lands on his nose he turns into a hookworm before getting pinned down by his opponent to become a pinworm. A tailor is mostly a tape worm but while sewing he is transformed into a threadworm.
Medicooks lexicon maintais that cardiologist is an expert cards player and an obstetrician is one obstucts normal delivery. One who listens to radio while on duty is a radiologist. A driver who 'rubs shoulder' with fellow motorists causing dents on the bodywork is a dentist. Those who rush ahead to operate are surge-ons and expert road-builders are path-ologists.
There is no end-'o-scope for enumerating medicoooks' exegeses, what with exhaustive entries in the glossary. But, alas, I have an appointment with a currency dealer friend of mine who specialises in Euro - a Eurologist!
Clipart Courtesy:


Anand Bhairat said...

Dr. Shenoy,

This one is very funny. I liked the park-in-sun one especially.

Anonymous said...

Dr Shenoy,
Very maginative.It was non stopChuckles all the way.