Thursday, July 9, 2009


Miffed by the peace and tranquillity abounding in the civilized world, a consortium of werewolves in Satanborough have allegedly signed an MoU (Memorandum of Undertakers) to host the First World Dracula Congress. The Lucifer Army, the official sponsors, has chosen the skull and cross-bones as the convention's mascot. Dr A Cula Pati, the Mayor, has promised to show-case Satanborough as the ultimate destination for the global vampire fraternity who will soon descend on the venue, a ramshackle castle deep in the forests.

A fleet of bloodhound-drawn hearses will ferry the delegates - the kingpins of the global blood sports - to be put up at 'Hotel Carnage Resorts & Spa' in light-proof air-chilled catacombs fitted with intricately carved coffins for the princes of darkness to sleep at cock-crow. The washrooms will have blood on tap for the delegates to have their evening blood-bath. 'Spooky', the famous fashion designers, will be officially entrusted with the task of providing weird outfits for the participants.

Necrophagous (corpse-eating) tribe of Aghoris are the official caterers who will run a steak-house at the convention locale serving delicious human organs cooked in pure blood. Pate de homo gras, a human liver delicacy, is expected to take the ghoulish gourmets by storm. Garlic, the purported vampire repellent, will be disallowed at the eatery (You don't invite a mosquito for dinner and serve him food cooked in Odomos!). Bloody Mary will be the recommended cocktail (to be served in skull bowls) at dinners.

For the thirsty delegates, gift cheques will be issued which they can present at any blood bank to 'draw' cold blood of their choice (A, AB, O etc.). Those preferring warm blood will get a specially designed drinking straw (making machetes and swords obsolete) to drink directly from their victims' jugular.

A local tantrik is trying to communicate with spirit of Jack the Ripper who will be commissioned to deliver the keynote address on 'Modern Trends in Going for the Jugular'. The skull sessions will be conducted at the nearby crematorium where the spirits of the victims of the past massacres too can chip in with suggestions to give butchery a humane touch. All the proceedings will commence after sundown and, following night-long deliberations, the delegates will go back to sleep in their coffins.

Efforts are on to rope in famous horror show moghuls from Bollywood to stage their popular blood-curdling drama 'Gore in Barrels' that will prompt the delegates to cry 'Whoopee' and break into danse macabre.

The proposed First World Dracula Congress has all the potential to make Bram Stoker, the creator of the Dracula legend, turn in his grave. It may even send him into a spin.

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