THE MOBILE MOB

The guy keeps yelling into his cellphone, "Louder, please.....I can't hear a thing." As his frustration mounts, a passerby counsels, "It's a mobile phone, you know, and you won't hear anything unless you are on the move." The man does just that and the phone line springs into life.

Then, there is this man on the park bench who holds a micro-cellphone to his left ear while poking the air animatedly with his right hand as he speaks. Soon a congregation of Nosy Parkers encircle him mistaking him (because of his gestures) to be an 'Ustaad' (a master in classical music) from some some singing 'gharaana' (school) engaged in his daily practice perfecting some 'Raaga.'

Such satirical portrayals of the new species of upwardly mobile mobile-toting mob have become commonplace lately. As in the case of a cellphone user on the street whom (during cricketing season) a cricket-crazy pedestrian asked, "Who is playing?" To which the peeved phone user shot back, "Pandit Hariprasad Chourasia, on flute."

Be that as it may, it is undeniable that this mobile gizmo has become the scourge of the modern-day 'walk-n-call' hip tribe many of whom may have lost their front teeth as they presumably bumped into lamp posts. At least a few of the unresolved cases in the police files on missing persons could be attributed to the cellphone users who might have vanished into uncovered manholes while flirting with this hazardous hardware. Moreover, mobile-wielding motorist who handles the steering wheel like a spinning wheel has literally driven droves of pedestrians up the wall.

Certain quirks of the mobile-mobster sets him apart from the hoi polloi. Conscious of the social status that cellphone (of the iPhone kind), he carries the contraption conspicuously displayed on his person - either hanging from the neck (often on a gold chain) or tucked in the waist-belt pouch but seldom in the hip pocket for fear of being labelled as a 'Mr Farty' each time the phone squeaks. Besides, he ensures that adequate number of incoming calls are received while in public - the more the better for his image.

In the early days of the cellphone when it was considered more of a luxury than a necessity, I knew of someone who bought a toy cellphone that could be programmed to ring at pre-determined intervals, just to find himself a place in this world of one-up-manship. When the phone 'rang' in public, he logged in and talked to his phantom caller, not forgetting to drop names at the drop of a hat.

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