Thursday, November 12, 2009


On the morrow of the American Presidential Poll, 2000, The TV newscasters across the U S treated themselves to a yummy one-course feast that featured crow chops as its piece de resistance.And they stuffed themselves silly with the corvine cuisine even as they kept chopping and changing the election verdict as frequently as they scratched their collective heads. While field reporters beat around (the) Bush, the editorial staff smelt blood... and Gore!

Then began the battle royal between 'Earl' Bush pressing for 'early' results in his favour and 'Count' Gore hell bent on hand count of votes, that, he believed, would perpetuate a Democratic ' 'gorement' at the Whitehouse. At Tallahassee, James Baker baked in the Florida sun splurging boodle in Bush-els in order to punch a hole in the punch card postulation so that Gore's victory cake remained unbaked in the legal oven. And Mr War 'n' Christopher with his army of legal eggheads waged a 'holey' war to ambush Bush on his way to Washington D. C.

(W)hole of the U S turned into a hellhole what with devious brains spewing out 'holey' wit. Lampooned a stand-up comedian, " We invented the hole-in-the-wall machine. Our Tiger Woods can score a hole-in-one in a trice. But, holy cow, we can't punch a neat hole in a god damned card."

The Electronic Media went to town with their erudite harangues on the labyrinthine electoral procedures. The TV anchormen's pregnant pauses spoke volumes about the pregnant - chad claptrap, while the spellbound viewers hung on to their lips trying to get a hang of the hanging chad charade.

Copy writers of the placard kind had a field day. ' Gore, the sore Looserman ' declared a Republican placard, while the other one said, ' Gore - President of Chad '. In retaliation, Democrats displayed posters that read ' It's AL or nothing ' or ' A vote in Gore's Hand is worth two with Bush '.

Long-buried English words were exhumed out of their lexical cemeteries forcing readers to cry out for footnotes. Democrats called Ms Katherine Harris' action in the hole-and-corner affair as Kafkaesque (an oppressive nightmare situation in a manner of fictional world of Franz Kafka). The Republicans branded Democrats' effort as Sisyphean( as fruitless as Sisyphus' attempt to push a rock uphill).

The whoe saga was a burlesque of ' Gore-gone-to-one' proportions. Ultimately Bush succeeded in cutting the ' Gore-dian ' knot and the gory battle left Gore thoroughly ' bushed '. George W Bush reportedly utilised those days of suspended animation to spruce up his general knowledge - so much so that when, on the 'Larry King Live' show, he was asked to name the Indian Prime Minister, he, with great aplomb, replied, ' A tall B. Harry Wage Payee'.

At the height of Bush-Gore fracas, a patient went to his doctor with his computerised blood count report. The doctor told him that his white cell count was rather low. The patient promptly asked the doctor if he could order a hand count!!

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