Smart Coaching Academy for Multidisciplinary Swindles (SCAMS), a Deemed University constituted by the Department of Scams & Cons under the Fraudsters (encouragement of) Act 2015, invites applications from eligible candidates to enrol in the following courses:Diploma in Animal Husbandry (Feeds and Fodder) - The course imparts training in rearing imaginary cattle, poultry etc. Also in indenting millions of dollars worth of fodder for the phantom (non-existent) animals and siphoning of allocated funds.
Diploma in Forestry (Poaching and Ivory Sciences) - Involves field training in shooting protected species from wild life sanctuaries. A special module to train in skinning of animals and processing of hides, besides sawing ivory.
Diploma in Printing Technology ( Stamps and Currencies) - Involves intensive practical training in engraving blocks for printing stamp papers and currency notes. Optional: Printing and leaking of question papers of GMAT, CAT, RAT and other competitive exams. Has immense scope as the international scamsters are likely outsource their fake paper requirements from our country.
Certificate Course in Cricket (Betting and Match-fixing) - Offers training in book-making through mobile and Internet. A special guidance on how to corner players at parks, temples, golf courses and toilets etc. is inclusive.
Diploma in Stock Technology (Insider-trading and Market Manipulations) - Trains in how to befriend corporate honchos and audit firms to collect classified information. Also in hacking computers of multi-national investment firms, mutual, pension and hedge funds to fish out their investment decisions.
Diploma in Pharma-technology (Spurious Drugs) - Trains in processing 'life-sav(tak)ing medications from chalk powder. Ingenious methods of recycling disposable syringes taught. Expertise offered on how to corner government supply contracts.
Eligibility and Qualifications: For all the above courses, candidates should have basic know-how in pilferage and bribery. Zero conscience is essential. Apprentice Certificate from 'Chambal School of Dacoity' is an added qualification.
NOTE: All the selected candidates will get free training in Grease-palm Technology and investment strategies (Benami and Swiss).
Write for application and prospectus enclosing demand draft for 50,000 bucks (10,000/- more for our Gold admission scheme) to ' SCAMS ', No. 420, Engulf & Devour Street, Con Town, Republic Of Pelfland.
Image Courtesy: http://www.transparency.am
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