HEADHUNTERS ON PROWL

The job looked tailor-made for him. He had all the qualifications demanded by the advertiser : a kink in the head, a fulminating gastritis and the willingness to sire a brood of brats. He couldn’t be blamed for his naiveté. For the ad that he saw read, ‘We are looking out for lunatics with fire in their belly to father the next generation of silicon chimps(sic).’

In a booming job market, the head-hunters are out in the IT jungle laying booby traps for tech-kids through crafty ad campaigns. And the phrasings in their transcript are getting dottier by the day.

Most of the ads are clever mumbo-jumbo, like the one that says, ‘We are looking hard for hardworking hardcore software professionals.’ (A real hard sell indeed. So drive a hard bargain to get paid in hard currency!).Or the one that declares, ‘We are shifting into top gear. Now we are looking for an accelerator.’(Once you are in their ‘clutches’, you will be looking for the brakes). Then there is an ad that yells, We invite IT pundits to software Mecca.’ ( Silly me, I thought pundits went to Kashi).

‘If you have aptitude, we will give you altitude.’ claims an ad. But read between the ad lines. What probably remains unsaid is that the magnitude of the task may drive you into servitude with not much latitude to show your fortitude as they only expect your gratitude in plenitude!

In the copywriter's lexicon the acronyms IT and US are natural bedfellows since IT professionals often head for the US. So the ad says, ‘If you got what IT takes, come and make IT big with US. Or, ‘If you have the ITch, let US help you start from scratch.’

All companies promise upward mobility as in case of an ad that proclaims, ‘On the career road we provide, overtaking is permitted. In fact we encourage you to break all rules.’ (And cool your heels in the cooler). Another smart ad asserts, ‘Most companies offer corporate ladders. But we provide you with long legs to climb it.’ (And after you join them, they keep clipping at your legs till you have no legs to stand on). But one that tickled me pink was an ad that boasted, ‘Behind every second call(?) made in this world, there is our technology.’ Pioneers in e-toilets, eh?

In any case, the writing is on the web (sorry, the wall is a passé); a crazy world lusts for crazy captions. So don’t wince at an ad that screams, ‘Wanted savage matadors to take the IT bull by the horns.’ Or, ‘Come, let’s mug the computer bug before it gets snug in the rug.’ Or even a, ‘If you fit the Bill, Gate(s)-crash and enter through new Windows!!