THE ADS MADMEN

The man driving the car oozes charm at every pore, who condones anything while at the wheel, even his son's poor grade in maths. But the moment he steps out of the car he turns nasty. A modern day re-incarnation of Dr Jekyll (and Mr Hyde), he is a brainchild fathered by one of our TV admen to promote a highly esteemed brand of car.

Frankly, I ad-ore these (m)ad men whose cerebral ejaculations could boggle densest of grey matter. I ad-mire them for the ad-roit handling of their ad campaigns (aired ad nauseum on the TV) that open up a whole new world far removed from reality.

It's world where a house-breaker treats gold and cash with disdain, looting only trendy bib cocks (of a well known brand) from the toilet, and what's more, if he erupts into a fit of cough during burglary, the granny of the house treats him with cough syrup (of one more brand) that compels him to cry "Mummy..." with nostalgia for the rest of his life.

It's a world where people recognise each other not by their faces but by their body odour ( in a deodorant ad), where a brand of hair dye promises to transform aunties into didis (elder sister) and where on chilly mornings, old men are woken up by the incessant clatter of their set of denture kept overnight on the bedside table (just because a brand of air-conditioner wants to tell us how effective their product is).

It's a world where, as you stroll along the mugger's alley, you needn't carry firearms for self-defence as long as you wear a particular brand of underwear that turns into a heavy-weight boxing champ. If confronted by hoodlums, thanks to the undergarment, you can knock the daylights out of the unfortunate thug much to the delight of your girlfriend.

The adman would have us believe that the bridal ghungat (veil) is a clothing behind which the ravenous bride conducts pet puja (eating bout) on a bar of chocolate(so enticed is she that she forgets she is in the midst of her own wedding!). A brand of pen has an inbuilt mechanism which makes nubile chicks peck you on the cheek whenever you lend it to them.

If the umpire turns a deaf ear to your LBW appeal, that's because you don't shout loud enough. So, chew shouto brand of chewing gum before you shout 'Howzaat' and the umpire, startled by the ear-splitting yell, raise his finger with alacrity. And, if by any chance, the umpire had eaten a certain brand of biscuit, then the verdict could be 'Fifty-fifty'.

And finally, you can trust me (I always wear an honest shirt : again a phrase invented by an adman) when I say that, taking a cue from the adman, I have discovered an eco-friendly mode of transport. All you need is to drink a cup of tea, and wah! taj, you feel so light that you take to air and levitate to your destination.

But a word of caution. If the beverage loses its zing en route, you may get stranded half way. So, carry a spare flask of the stimulant for mid-air refuelling.
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