IDIOMAGNOSIA PART - 2

For the students of Idiomagnosia( refer Idiomagnosia part - 1 for the definition) there can not be a better subject than our friend Bill. He appears to be the originator of many idioms but by accident rather than by design. Once, while he was an in-patient at a hospital for a fracture he sustained, he narrated to me how he broke his bone. " Yesterday our domestic fowl (cock) had vanished and during the search operation I was chased by an angry bull and fell into a ditch. But I told the doctor that I fell while riding a bicycle," confided Bill with a conspiratorial wink. " You are the only one to whom I revealed the true Cock and bull story! "

Bill's incarceration at the hospital provided me with further Idiomagnotic tid-bits such as 'my blood boils when the day temperature goes up'. Or, 'I did not shake hands with that blood bank technician because he always has people's blood on his hands'.

Then, a young exam-going student had once come to me complaining of excessive fatigue. I told him that his problem was due to over-exertion."Stop burning the mid-night oil hence-forth, " I advised him. A week later he came back without much relief. I enquired if he had been following my advice. "Yes, doctor," he said dumbly. "Now-a-days, whenever there is mid-night power cut I only burn candles; not oil."

Then there are tricksters who pretend Idiomagnosia just for fun. Jason is one such person. He had some problems with the municipality and I bumped into him while he was on his way to the house of the local blacksmith who also happened to be a municipal councillor. "Going to curry favour with the councillor, Mr Jason?" I enquired. "Nothing of that sort," quipped Jason taking out a blunt rusty axe out of his bag and showing it to me. "I just happen to have an axe to grind."

A similar story is about a locksmith who was arrested at a casino and produced before a judge. The judge asked him, "what were you doing in that gambling den when the police raided it?" The locksmith looked down sheepishly and said, "Your Honour, I was making a bolt for the door."

Finally, there are those who see idioms in any sentence when there are none as amply demonstrated by this anecdote: A man fell into a deep ditch and struggled unsuccessfully to climb atop. Soon a large bunch of curious onlookers gathered around the ditch, but no one offered to help. When the desperate man shouted, "Give me a hand, please," everybody in the crowd applauded enthusiastically!!!

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IDIOMAGNOSIA - PART 1

"Dr John, I am taking a coffee break.Keep a watch on this patient till I return," I instructed the house surgeon. Yet, when I came back, John had already left the ward but not before keeping a wrist watch on the patient's belly as a mark of his obedience! For, John suffered from a malady which I called Idiomagnosia.*

Now, lured by the asterisk, you need not search and yell for a footnote. Because the above asterisk is nothing more than an asterexasper(meaning an asterisk with no corresponding footnote). You need refer to a dictionary for the word Idiomagnosia either, since the word is of my coinage and may be considered a sniglet(any word that doesn't appear in dictionary but should). So, let me explain the meaning.

Idiomagnosia is a condition often found among literates in which the affected person is mentally blind to the true meaning of a given idiom or phrase due to ignorance real or feigned. To make the term more clear, I will illustrate it further.

Take, for instance, the case of George. He told me about an incident that strengthened his belief in astrology. According to George, a newspaper astrology column had once predicted for him ' a significant windfall in the near future.' Shortly thereafter, as he was returning home from his office, a thunderstorm broke out and a sudden gush of wind that got trapped in his umbrella flung him on to the ground. "As rightly prophesied by the astrologer," confessed George, "I had a real bad windfall."

A news item appeared a few years ago about a man who was rendered unconscious when he was hit by a heavy book. Even funnier was the fact that he was hit by a police officer. Apparently the officer's superior had given instruction to call the man to the police station for interrogation and he didn't co-operate, to 'throw the book at him' (which means slap a case against him). The police officer did just that. He threw a hardbound law journal at the poor man.

To be continued in next post......


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